If Tod Maffin were still on the radio here's what he would be saying

He put so much work into this.
A longer than usual piece from Tod
There's more at
http://www.todmaffin.com/please_hold_lies

until he erases it.

All the crap he had written in the last six months was erased, because he realized how stupid they were.

But this gem is still there

"“We are experiencing a higher-than-average call volume.“
Bullshit. I’m looking at you, Shaw Cable. You’ve had that on your “please hold” message since 1821


“Our menu options have changed.“
No. They haven’t. Companies use this line because they want to rope people into listening to their whole spiel first — which often includes product ads.


“So that we can route this call to the right agent, please choose from one of the following options.“
This is one of the oldest tricks in the books. It’s called the “Operator 123″ trick in marketing circles. You know those ads that say to call their number and ask to speak to operator 123? Here’s the secret: there is no operator 123


“Your call is important to us.”
Oops, excuse me — I throw up in my mouth a little. The paradox here is that the companies who dole out this rote, weak statement are the ones who seem to care the least about their customers — at least judging from their customer service.


“Please choose from one of the following options.”
This would be great, if the options they’re offering have anything to do with why I was calling


“To make sure you get excellent customer service, this call may be recorded.”
Um, what?! I’m going to get better service because a hard disk somewhere is recording our conversation? Get real."


There you go.
Now you know how to spot lies in an autimated routed answering service